“What am I looking for when I talk with a potential egg donor?” by Andrea Bryman, LMFT

It has taken many years to create the niche I have in my profession, a mental health therapist specializing in egg donation and surrogacy.  I have learned that people are not gray on the subject of third party reproduction.  They have strong opinions.  Once all the opinions have been aired (this can take awhile), one of the first things I am asked is “What am I looking for when I talk with a potential egg donor?”

I thought I would start this initial blog by discussing four of the main
areas that I emphasize in my evaluation of an egg donor: her family mental
health history, her stability, her desire to be a donor, and her ability to
make an informed decision to be a donor.  

In exploring a donor’s family mental health history it is important to gather information regarding any potential psychiatric diagnoses.  Some diagnoses are linked to genetic predispositions that can be passed onto a child.  If there is a diagnosis, i.e., depression -it is important to determine whether it was triggered by an event, which would be considered situational or whether it is an organic disorder.  I also discuss family history of alcohol or substance abuse.  There is potential for a genetic predisposition to alcoholism that both the recipients and donors should be aware of.  Finally, I explore any emotional, physical or sexual abuse the donor may have experienced and if they have received any professional help.  A donor who has experienced some abuse without seeking help may find the
donation process can trigger unresolved issues related to the abuse.  Above all else, my hope is for the donor to have a positive experience. 

One of the major concerns for many intended parents is whether a donor will be stable enough to follow through with all that she needs to do throughout her cycle.  There is a vast amount of information to digest, forms to be filled out, appointments to attend
and medications to be administered.  A donor will need a lot of support throughout the process.  There are many aspects in exploring a donor’s stability – her living situation, her career, her upbringing and current relationship with her parents and siblings, her social network, her personal relationships and any possible legal issues she may have experienced. It is important that a donor be able to form and sustain healthy relationships as well as manage conflict resolution.   More importantly, you want to be sure that she will to do what she is supposed to do! 

What is the donor’s motivation to donate?  Why would she want to inject herself with medications and undergo medical evaluations and procedures?
While initially enticed by the monetary compensation, most donors after
learning more about the process have an altruistic yearning to want to help
others while helping themselves.  In determining a donor’s desire to help others, it is significant to understand how she learned about the process, why she wants to donate, if she has told others about her desire to donate, what she plans to do with the money she receives from the donation and how she feels about the future contact and
disposition of her eggs and the embryos they create. 

Lastly, after determining a donor’s mental well-being, her
stability and her motivation, it is very important to determine if the donor is
cognitively mature enough to make an informed decision to be a donor.  I gather this information by exploring the donor’s educational background and her self-perception.  This information determines if she knowledgeable enough to have the ability to educate herself about the egg donation process and understand the potential medical and psychological issues that may arise.  Is she able to seek out information and ask questions or does she passively take the information given to her?  Often I encourage donors to talk with other who have donated before to get peer guidance in addition to professional guidance.  The bottom line on informed consent is “Does the donor really understand what she is agreeing
to?” 

To say “Choosing an egg donor is a difficult process” is an understatement.  It is important to realize that many donors have just as many questions about the intended parents as the intended parents have of the donors.  We interpret data and evaluate
information to ensure suitability.  We educate others and ourselves.  We hope
that all parties are being truthful and forthright.  

Andrea Bryman is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with a specialty in assisted
reproduction, which includes mental health assessments and evaluation of egg
donors and surrogates. Andrea’s focus on assisted reproduction stemmed from her own personal experience with infertility over 15 years ago when she was beginning her family. Since that time, Andrea has had three children, two with methods of assisted reproduction. She continues her professional growth in the field of infertility through research and involvement as a professional member of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine including their mental health professional group, the American Fertility Association, European Society of Human Reproduction and Embryology and Resolve. Andrea is the Past Psychological Chairperson on the board of directors for the Egg Donation and Surrogacy Professional Association.  

Frequently Asked Questions About Washington State Surrogacy Laws: Guest Post By Christina Park, Esquire

Christina Park is a reproductive attorney and founder of the Law Offices of Christina Park in Seattle. She graduated from Yale Law School. Christina assists intended parents, egg donors, embryo donors, and surrogates and is proud to help build families. 

We are considering surrogacy. What legal issues in WA state should we be aware of? 

It is highly recommended that the intended parent(s) and the surrogate enter into a written surrogacy agreement. This is true even if the surrogate is a friend or relative. 

Surrogacy agreements describe the terms of the arrangement in detail, outline each person’s rights and responsibilities, and document your wishes for who will be the child’s legal parents (with parental rights and duties under the law). 

Surrogacy laws are relatively new and untested. It is difficult to predict the outcome of court cases in this area of law. If disagreements do arise, Washington courts will likely examine the written agreement to understand your intentions and resolve disputes. 

It is important to document the terms of the surrogacy arrangement in your contract. This can provide you with additional confidence and security (both during and after the pregnancy). A qualified reproductive attorney can help you prepare the contract. 

What issues will the legal agreement cover? 

By addressing key issues and potentially sensitive topics, the legal agreement can help set clear expectations from the start and prevent disputes in the future. Surrogacy agreements address several issues, including the following: 

Parents: Who will be the child’s legal parents, with parental rights and responsibilities? 

Payment:What will the surrogate be paid? (In Washington, surrogates can only be reimbursed for pregnancy expenses, actual medical expenses, and attorney fees). 

Involvement:How will the intended parents be involved (for example, with important decisions related to prenatal care and testing)? 

Unexpected Events: What happens if one or both of the intended parents die before the birth? Who will have custody of the child? 

Future Contact:Will there be future contact between the surrogate and intended parents? If so, under what circumstances? 

Can we pay a woman to be our surrogate?

In Washington, you cannot compensate a surrogate. Washington courts will not uphold an agreement to compensate a surrogate; it would be considered a gross misdemeanor. However, you can reimburse the surrogate for her pregnancy expenses, actual medical expenses, and reasonable attorney fees for drafting the surrogacy contract. 

We’re a married same-sex couple, and our child will be born to a surrogate. Do we need to adopt? 

Under Washington law, both spouses in a marriage (including same-sex marriages) are presumed to be the legal parents of a child born during the marriage. However, other states may not recognize this parentage for same-sex spouses. 

If one spouse is not genetically related to the child, you should consider an adoption to establish and confirm parental rights. An adoption proceeding can provide additional peace of mind and help ensure that both parents receive full parental rights, even if they move outside of Washington State in the future. 

I’m single, and my child will be born to a surrogate. Do I need to adopt? 

If you are single and not genetically related to the child (your eggs or sperm were not used to conceive the child), you should consider an adoption or parentage proceeding to confirm your status as the child’s sole parent. 

If your eggs or sperm were used to conceive the child, you may still want to consider a parentage proceeding to establish that the surrogate is not the legal parent. This also protects the surrogate from having financial obligations to support the child. 

Do the surrogate and intended parents need separate attorneys? 

It is highly recommended that the intended parents and the surrogate be represented by separate attorneys. This makes it much more likely that the surrogacy contract will be seen as legally valid, if you ever wind up in court. It is in the best interests of everyone involved to hire separate attorneys for the intended parents and surrogate. Typically, the intended parents pay all attorney fees (including fees for the surrogate’s attorney).

What happens after I hire an attorney? 

The intended parents’ attorney will collect the necessary information and prepare the first draft of the surrogacy agreement. The surrogate’s attorney will review the draft agreement and may request changes. 

You will have the opportunity to read and review the legal agreement. You can discuss questions and concerns with your attorney, or suggest revisions to the agreement. 

Typically, meetings with your attorney may take place either in-person or by phone.

The entire process can take 1 to 4 weeks, depending on how quickly the agreements are read and approved by the surrogate, intended parents, and their respective attorneys.

Disclaimer:  The information provided here is for educational purposes only. The information is general in nature and may not apply to your specific situation. Before taking further action, you should consult a qualified attorney in your state.

Quick Tips for Surrogacy Agency Owners- Say Thank You...

No one can run an agency alone. You have had to get some guidance, advise, inspiration from someone. Thank them. Tell them how they helped you. Show them that you care enough to show your appreciation! It will make you feel great too!

Quick Tip for Surrogacy Agency Owners- Pay Attention

Pay attention. Pay attention to your surrogates and how they are coping. Pay attention to your Intended Parents and how they are communicating. Pay attention to your business and how other professionals are responding to you and your agency. Just Pay Attention to everything! 

Quick Tip for Surrogacy Agency Owners- Keep Your Cool Because Common Sense is a Flower that Doesn't Grow in Everyone's Garden!

This is a great quote to remember. Why? Because as an agency owner you will get questions that will leave you shaking your head. But even so, answer them all to the best of your ability. Be that person who treats everyone equally and as you would like to be treated.

Quick Tips for the Surrogacy Agency-A Thoughtful Gift for Your Surrogates

Are you thinking of something that your new surrogates would like for Christmas or Hanukkah? How about a great book written just for the children of surrogate mothers?Surrogacy Helps Make a Family Grow! is the heartfelt story of a family who decides to help a couple start of family of their own through gestational surrogacy. This book acts as an educational tool for children of gestational surrogates to better understand what their mothers are going through and the tremendous gift of family. Surrogacy Helps Make a Family Grow is the perfect gift for anytime of the year. (I offer bulk discounts if you are interested. Just contact Sharon LaMothe at LaMotheServices@aol.com for more details!)

Quick Tip for Surrogacy Agency Owners- Surround Yourself with Awesome People!

Build up the people around you. Surround Yourself with Awesome People. Feed off of the energy that successful people bring to the table. Be positive and be in the position where you are always willing to listen and learn.

Quick Tips for Surrogacy Agency Owners-If You Are Struggling Call for Help

Just because you are struggling does not mean you are failing BUT if you don't get some help THEN you WILL fail. Recognize when you need to call someone in to give you a hand. Even if you have to hire your kids to lighten your load around the house so you can concentrate on your business, do that! You can't do it alone. So ask for Help! (LaMothe Services is a great place to ask if you need assistance with your marketing, social networking, exhibiting, blogging and more!)

Quick Tips for Surrogacy Agency Owners- Running Your Own Agency Isn't Easy!

Owning your own agency isn't easy. It isn't simple. It isn't a hobby or something you do in your "spare time". There is a lot involved in a surrogacy journey. If you were/are a surrogate or an Intended Parent and want to "do things better" or "offer a better experience" you can...but remember you only know the part of the journey that affected you. What you need to learn are both sides of the coin of the surrogacy experience and then everything in between: the mental health component, the legalities in the USA, the recommendations of the ASRM, FDA and the ethics that everyone should be aware of. Have you thought of the paper work, the marketing, the advertising, or how you get paid? Do you understand the complexities of the relationship between the families involved in a surrogacy match? What about back ground checks, mediation and medications? Research your options and then come talk to LaMothe Services. We are here to help you reach your goal of helping others! 

Quick Tips for Surrogacy Agency Owners- Novice (Surrogacy/Egg Donation) Agency Owners Often Ignore Signs They Are Headed For Disaster

New Agency Owners can improve their odds by avoiding some of the common mistakes that hound those who seek to buy or start their own businesses. A few of those mistakes include:

• Starting an agency for the wrong reasons. Some people are drawn to owning an agency because they like the image that being an entrepreneur evokes – someone who is rich, famous, smart with lots of free time. That’s not exactly the best motivation, and the image they have in mind isn't going to mean a lot when the reality of what it takes to succeed sinks in. Often, these people are good at the technical work they do but ill-equipped to create, run and grow a agency.

• Taking advice from the wrong people. Anyone launching a new agency or buying an existing business or franchise definitely needs advice. But that advice should come from people most qualified to give it, and that’s not necessarily Aunt Stella or your friends from college. New agency owners need to make sure they have wise and learned people weighing in on each component of their business but it needs to be the right people. A lawyer shouldn't give advice on the balance sheet, and the accountant shouldn't weigh in on growth strategy.

• Underestimating the time requirements. Most would-be new surrogacy or egg donation owners probably assume they will work long hours. They are wrong. They won't work long hours. They will work long, long, long hours. Outside of an act of God or just blind good fortune, business owners work more hours than any other category of employment. That can take a toll. The good news is that, as the boss, you can come and go as you please, so I also recommend setting aside time for yoga and meditation. That will help keep you fit and perhaps relieve some of the stress that is especially high in the early weeks and months of starting your own agency.

These points are just the tip of the iceberg and that is why LaMothe (business consulting) Services are designed and developed to support your dream of owning your own agency. When you make an appointment for a free consultation, all information gathered is then formulated into a program specifically designed to resolve problem issues using LaMothe Services as your partner. We are willing to sign non-disclosure documents to make you feel comfortable in allowing us to assist you in managing and solving your most delicate business problems.

LaMothe Services specializes in Surrogacy and Egg Donation agencies and other Third Party Family Building Companies. We can also assist other businesses with customer service, organizational, social networking and marketing support issues. Call 727-458-8333 or e-mail LaMotheServices@aol.com for your free 40 minute phone consultation. Ask about our Fall Special that will end on November 30th. I look forward to hearing from YOU!