Personal Power: Living From the Inside Out

I wanted to share this with you today because I feel that we often forget that we have "personal power"! We move through our daily life being pushed and persuaded in what we "should" think or what we "shouldn't" question or we may just be wandering aimlessly until "things resolve themselves".

Below is a great little article that may put it all back into your own hands and offer you some guidance in bringing back your own personal power. Take that control and know that you are in charge of your life, your hopes and your dreams. You have the Power inside you!

Sharon LaMothe

LaMothe Services, LLC

http://lamotheservices.com/

Personal Power:Living From the Inside Out

by Laura Belsten, PhD, MCC

Lao Tzu, famous Chinese philosopher living over 2500 years ago, stated that the biggest problem in the world is that individuals experience themselves as powerless. Powerless individuals feel helpless, negative, lethargic, frustrated, resentful, and often live in fear, enslaved by circumstances they perceive as beyond their control.

The opposite of powerless is an inner awareness, an internal state of being we refer to as “personal power” in the emotional intelligence field.

Personal power is an inner awareness that makes us feel in control of our lives. It is an inner knowing that we can achieve our goals, a calm conviction about who we are and our ability to get the things we want in life.

Quiet Confidence

People with a highly developed sense of personal power have a quiet self-confidence that they can set the direction of their lives, and they do. They are able to distinguish among circumstances over which they have some control and those they do not. They define themselves from the inside out (for example, their internal self talk includes messages like “I am a capable person, I can manage this setback, I’m good at managing conflict, I’m creative”)

The biggest barrier to success in almost any endeavor is powerlessness, negativity, helplessness and inertia. Mahatma Gandhi had no army, never held or accepted political office, never used violence. He was a small, frail man, yet he defeated the armed might of the British Empire, driving the British out of India without firing a single shot. How did he accomplish this?

Personal power. Personal power can move mountains. Personal power solves problems.

Dr. Laura Belsten is Dean of the Graduate School of Coaching, Master Certified Coach (MCC), and a national leader in the field of Emotional Intelligence. Personal Power is one of the twenty-four key competencies of the Emotional Intelligence Profile. Learn them all!

Tips for Improving Your Donor Program By: Gail Sexton Anderson, Ed.M., Founder, Donor Concierge

I have exposure to over 60 donor websites and 14 years of experience working with intended parents in need of egg donors. I have recently been asked by a few egg donor agencies what they can do to improve their programs. My experience has taught me that what intended parents look for in donors, regardless of their ethnic background, is a healthy, bright, egg donor who comes across as wholesome and attractive.

Healthy means having a good health history with no serious illness, no addiction issues, no history of anxiety or depression, and no eating disorders. But it goes beyond the health of the egg donor herself. It also means no one in her immediate family has any of these issues. There should also be no cancer in her immediate family. While it is not unusual for a grandparent to have cancer late in life, it is alarming to intended parents to see cancer in the immediate family, especially with her mother or father, particularly those occurring before the age of 40. After the age of 40, while it still may be worrisome to many intended parents, it is not as likely to be of a hereditary nature. Other types of cancer, such as breast cancer on the maternal side, is more likely to be a hereditary issue if it occurs before the age of 40.

Adult onset diabetes in the donor’s grandparents doesn’t tend to be a big concern but juvenile diabetes in the donor’s immediate family is a major concern due to hereditary factors. Another major concern among intended parents is mental illness and addiction. Alcoholism in a grandparent is not necessarily a huge issue and is fairly common. What is of greater concern is seeing a pattern of addiction in the donor’s family. If the grandfather was an alcoholic, and so was the uncle on the same side of the family, that indicates there could be a pattern of addiction, which is a hereditary issue. If the donor’s parents have ever struggled with addiction, that is also a huge red flag for intended parents, and they are unlikely to ever choose that donor. The same is true of any mental health issues in the family such as anxiety, depression, bipolar, and schizophrenia. Unfortunately, there is a strong hereditary factor for all of these mental health issues.

I realize that all of these things are not terribly unusual. It happens in the best of families. In fact, many intended parents may have these same issues within their own genetic families. But if there were a choice to avoid serious health issues, mental health issues, and addiction, all of which have genetic components, wouldn’t you want to avoid them too?

It is often difficult for intended parents to truly assess how bright an egg donor candidate may be. But intelligence is a concern for most intended parents that I work with. Most of my clients are well-educated, having attended college and in most cases, graduate school. They have worked hard and truly value intelligence and drive, and are hoping to find these characteristics in an egg donor. They want to see a spark of intelligence that will help them relate to the donor and feel like this is someone they could like, someone who could fit into their family. With barely more than a few pages of information and a few pictures, intended parents have to make one of the most difficult decisions of their life. One of the most important aspects of this is to see if the donor has attended college. For the most part, most of my clients want to see a BS or a BA; some will consider an AA if the donor seems to have drive, but many really would like to see more.

The jury is still out as to intelligence being nurture or nature. Intended parents know that they can nurture, but will their child feel like they fit into a family of very bright people if the answer is nature? That is why intended parents want to see demonstrated intelligence. Intended parents are hoping to find someone that will remind them of themselves. These are people who have excelled in academics and value that drive in others. If they had the opportunity to get to know these egg donors personally, they might not care what kind of degree they have because they would already know the quality individual that they are, but that is not the case. All they have are a few pages of a donor profile.

Beyond health and intelligence, intended parents like to see wholesome girls. They are often trying to either see themselves or visualizing a future daughter. They don’t like to see egg donor candidates who look like they are trying to seduce the camera or worse yet, their husbands. They want the donor to look like a nice girl they could take home for a family dinner, not someone who would drink too much and wind up dancing on the table. Again, what they want is someone they can relate to, who will fit into their family.

This all brings me to my final point; first impressions count, and when it comes to donors, it may be all that you have to get the intended parents’ attention. If intended parents don’t find an egg donor visually appealing, they will not look any deeper. There are some agencies that are very good at marketing their donors so there are things that you can do to present the donor at her best. Everyone has good hair days and bad hair days; just don’t use those bad hair day pictures. Choose the pictures that show your donor at her best. You don’t have to use every picture she sends you just because she sent it, and if the pictures she provides are not very good, take the time to shoot some pictures when you meet her. If photography is not your forte, send the donor to a studio or hire a photographer to take a few good shots for your site. You never get a second chance to make a first impression.

Tips on Improving Your Egg Donor Site By: Gail Sexton Anderson, Ed.M., Founder, Donor Concierge

I work with over 60 agencies across the country, and they all have subtle differences that make them unique from the rest. Some are better than others, and there are extremes at both ends of the spectrum. Most, if not all of these sites, could use some general improvements. I have been asked by several agencies about how to best improve their sites, and I am happy to provide some tips. Many of these suggestions come from personal conversations with intended parents, and others are from my own experiences. Some sites are not very user friendly, and I know that if I find them difficult and cumbersome to search, you can only imagine how frustrating and discouraging they must be for the average intended parent. Most often, the intended parent is already emotionally frayed and desperately searching for the right egg donor. Hard to navigate sites exacerbate their stress and make the process more difficult for them.


Websites should be visually appealing, not distracting. It is probably worthwhile to keep your site looking fresh by taking a serious look at it every 5-7 years so that it doesn’t become stagnant or dated. Just as fashions come and go, so do website designs, color schemes, and technology. For example, at one point in time, most agencies used hand written applications. They felt that seeing a donor’s handwriting helped intended parents to form an impression of the donor. Today, hand written applications tend to make an agency’s site look small-time and unprofessional. Intended parents are far more sophisticated then you may realize. They have the opportunity to see numerous sites and as a result, they may worry when they see an outdated website. To them, it is a representation of a small mom and pop shop business. Even if you are a small agency working from home, which is how many agencies operate, you can present yourself as bigger than you are simply by having a fresh looking, updated site. It definitely makes a difference in how intended parents perceive your agency; I know because I hear their comments.

If you have more than 50 egg donors, you should have a filter to allow intended parents to find what they need quickly, without having to scroll through all of your donors. My favorite filters are those that allow the intended parents (and me) the ability to choose more than one option for each search requirement, i.e. eye color or hair color, by holding down the control key. I find that most intended parents are open to a range of eye colors and hair colors and having to search each possible combination separately can be very time consuming. The same holds true for ethnic heritage. Some Asian couples may only want to see Chinese donors, while others may be open to Japanese and Korean as well. Though lumping all Asian donors into Asian may be effective for the agency, it is definitely too broad a category and should list the donor’s specific heritage not just her race. Some of my favorite filter options are:

•Minimum Education = or < (College degree, Masters, PhD etc.)

•Hair color – Blond, Light Brown, Med. Brown, Black, Red (hold down control to choose more than one)

•Eye color – (hold down control to choose more than one)

•Age range

•Height range

•Repeat Donor (yes/no)

•Available (please, don’t show me who is in cycle)

•Race – Asian, African American, Middle Eastern, Caucasian, East Indian

•Ethnic Heritage – Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Filipino, Irish, French, German, Persian, etc. (hold down control to choose more than one)

•Academic Achievers – (Only donors who meet the following criteria belong in this group: GPA of 3.0 and up in college, SAT over 1250 on old SAT over 1700 on new SAT, ACT of over 27, Masters level or better)

Don’t make it difficult for intended parents to see full profiles. If they have to contact you to get a full profile, they may just move on to the next site that allows them direct access. You must have pretty amazing donors, either visually or academically, for intended parents to want to contact you for full profiles. And chances are that you are missing out on possible matches by making them jump through hoops to see a full profile. Some agencies feel they are protecting their donors, but in most cases, the site is already password protected. Those who have requested passwords are usually serious about finding a match.

The most important way to improve your site is to have really great donors. Make sure they complete their profiles, and stay in touch with your donors so that you aren’t surprised if they have moved, changed their mind, or are in cycle with another agency. Your donors will feel more committed to your program, and you will be more on top of their availability to cycle if you stay in touch. There is nothing worse than having an intended parent express interest in a donor only to find that you can’t locate her. Young women move frequently and don’t always update you with their new contact info. Staying in touch with your donors can also help you to keep your site looking fresh by adding current photos. Some agencies are good at rotating donor photos and posting new pictures, which can bring new attention to the donor and possibly a new match for you.

Think of your site as a storefront. You want to keep it looking clean, fresh, and interesting. Pay attention to details and make sure the donors’ profiles are complete. If a donor ages out, remove her from your site. Very few intended parents are comfortable choosing egg donors over the age of 30, particularly if she is not a previous donor and has no children of her own. It is far better to have a site with 50 great donors than a site with 1,000 so-so donors.

Asian Egg Donors Are in High Demand: A Note to Agencies by Guest Blogger Gail Sexton Anderson Ed. M.

There is an influx of Chinese couples coming to the U.S. for fertility treatment in need of both egg donors and surrogates. Most Chinese couples want only Chinese egg donors but some are open to donors of other ethnic backgrounds. Make sure your egg donor profiles state the donor’s specific heritage, not just that they are Asian. This is too general and your donor will probably be passed over.

The couples who come to the U.S. for fertility treatment tend to be well educated and value education in the donors they seek. While some may be satisfied with egg donors who have a two year degree (AA), most want to see that the egg donor candidates have a four year degree (BS or BA) as a minimum requirement. This helps them to have some measure for intelligence and drive.

Donor blood type is very important to these couples since using an egg donor will, in most cases, be a family secret as egg donation is not culturally accepted by many of their families and communities. If you don’t know the blood type of your Asian egg donors, now is the time to have them be tested at a lab or donate blood since they learn their blood type while doing so. Otherwise, you may have difficulty matching your donors who are not aware of their blood type to Asian recipients.

Age is also a crucial factor. Asian woman tend to not respond as well as Caucasian women to fertility treatment. When it comes to choosing donors, they often ask for donors under the age of 25 to increase their odds. They may be willing to consider egg donors up to age 27 but usually only if these donors are previous successful egg donors. Unfortunately, many of the agencies I visit have Asian egg donors who are over 27 and even over 30. Most reproductive endocrinologist (REs) will not approve an Asian egg donor who is over 27 unless she is a blood relative.

I work with Asian couples every week and have worked with more than one hundred over the years. These are all common issues for Asian intended parents. I hope you find this helpful as you gear up to recruit more Chinese, Korean, Japanese and Vietnamese egg donors as these factors are also true for many other Asian intended parents.

Tips for Egg Donor Agencies: Fill in All the Blanks by Guest Blogger Gail Sexton Anderson, Ed. M.

In a perfect world each egg donor would complete every answer on her egg donor profile. I know this is a nuisance for the agencies who post the profiles to their sites when there are blanks but it is a huge frustration for the intended parents who might have been interested in cycling with an egg donor if she had completed her profile. I know from working with egg donors that sometimes egg donors may not always be cognizant of the fact that information on their application is their opportunity to be known as an individual and can make the difference as to being chosen or not. Sometimes egg donors may forget that this is not a cold and distant decision but a life changing decision for the intended parents.

The intended parents have already had to grieve the loss of a child that is genetically related to the intended mother. At this point the Intended parents are hoping to find someone that feel could fit into their family. Filling in all of the blanks helps to give life to a flat profile and enable the intended parents to have a window into who the donor is so they can say “I like her, she seems like someone who I can relate to.”

These applications are the only way most intended parents can get any sense of what an egg donor candidate is like. If all an intended parent has to go on is a few clipped answers they can be left feeling no connection and no sense of why they would want to choose that particular egg donor’s genes to fill such a monumental role within their family. I have had many intended parents tell me they like the donor profiles were the donors have really put some thought into their answers.

As an agency it’s important to take the time to review every application before it is posted on your site to make sure the donor has taken the time to put a bit of her personality into her profile. It may take you more time on the front end but it will save you oodles of time and money on the matching end. You may not even be aware of how often a donor has been passed over for lack of information.

Gail Sexton Anderson has dedicated her career to helping intended parents from all walks of life to build families. She founded Donor Concierge as a compassionate approach to helping intended parents sort through the gauntlet of egg donor and surrogacy options. Gail has developed working relationships with many excellent egg donor and surrogacy programs, reproductive endocrinologists, fertility attorneys, and mental health professionals specializing in third party fertility counseling she has known and trusted for years.

A New Book by Sharon LaMothe for the Children of Surrogates: Surrogacy Helps Make a Family Grow!

I am thrilled to announce that my book, Surrogacy Helps Make a Family Grow!, is available on Amazon.com for those living and working in the world of surrogacy. This heartwarming story is written for the children of surrogate mothers who want to explain to them just how and why they are carrying a baby for another family.
I was a surrogate myself when my own kids were ages 3 and 13 and there were no books out there to help me explain this wonderful selfless act to them. Surrogacy Helps Make a Family Grow! is only 30 pages long and filled with colorful illustrations and makes a perfect 'welcome gift' from agencies, clinics and IPs. For women becoming surrogates themselves, this is a great tool to teach their own children about Gestational Surrogacy and how the whole family makes the dream of a baby come true for those in need.



Anyone wanting to buy 20 books or more please e-mail me at SurroMatchFL@aol.com  for discount details!

Tips for Egg Donors and Agencies: Profile Pictures by Guest Blogger Gail Sexton Anderson, Ed.M.

A picture is worth a thousand words, or so the saying goes. Yet, I’m still surprised when I see some of the pictures that egg donors submit to be published with their profile. Overall, I think the quality of pictures has improved dramatically over the last several years. Or, more to the point,agencies are choosing more wisely when they select which photos to publish.

Nonetheless, there are a few photo problems that happen often enough that I think they are worth mentioning. Most of these issues can be fixed easily without taking away from the integrity of the donors appearance and in fact would make her more appealing to potential intended parents:

1) Red eye, this is such an easy fix with all of the photo packages that come with most computers these days.

2) Blurry images that make it difficult to see what the donor looks like. If that is the only picture you have of the donor you have got to get more or take her off your site until she can supply you with better quality pictures.

3) Pictures with other people in them, try your best to cut out other people. I do before I send them on to my clients to keep from distracting from the donor.

4) If the other people are family members label them clearly

5) Pictures that are too small and that can’t be enlarged by clicking on the image. I love the images that can be enlarged and maintain high resolution. It makes for a much better impression of the donor.

6) Intended parents often object to party pictures where the donor has a drink in her hand.

7) Intended parents also object to the vamping/sexy pictures. You know the ones where the donor looks like she is going to seduce the camera. She should look like a future daughter not like a sex kitten.

8) Think about what is in the background of the pictures. So many donors take pictures of themselves with their cell phone in their bathroom or a messy bedroom or in one case in a public bathroom with a bank of stalls behind her.

9) Obvious tattoos and piercings. We all know these things are not hereditary but intended parents are easily distracted and may make unfair assumptions about the donor.

10) Only use good hair day pictures. We all have bad hair day pictures but do we want them posted? Even if the donor is blind enough to give you the pictures from the day she decided purple hair would be fun if she normally has brown hair leave out Miss Purple Hair, again distracting.

11) Try to have at least one or two childhood pictures along with the current photos. Intended parents like to see the donor at different ages.

Intended parents want to feel like they know the donor since they probably won’t be able to meet her. The pictures should help to tell a story of who this donor is as an individual. If you don’t already you may want to take a few pictures of the donor when you meet her. Let her know that she will be having her picture taken and ask her to apply light, natural makeup and to dress simply in a nice top and jeans in solid colors that complement her coloring. This way you can see her build in a tasteful way and prints will not detract from her face. It may be well worth it to have some professional pictures taken if you are not particularly good at photography. One of the nicest sights has three simple shots of each donor taken at the interview. It is simple, straight forward and tasteful. I find the intended parents respond very well to this sight. While it is nice to have more pictures it is possible to have too many 3-9 good shots are usually ample to get a sense of what the donor looks like.

Gail Sexton Anderson has dedicated her career to helping intended parents from all walks of life to build families. She founded Donor Concierge as a compassionate approach to helping intended parents sort through the gauntlet of egg donor and surrogacy options. Gail has developed working relationships with many excellent egg donor and surrogacy programs, reproductive endocrinologists, fertility attorneys, and mental health professionals specializing in third party fertility counseling she has known and trusted for years.

5 Reasons Why You Should Respond to Every Comment by Pat Flynn

If you enable comments on your blog (which I’m sure most of you do), then you obviously want your readers to interact by leaving comments after your post. Then why, I ask, does it usually end up being a one-sided conversation?

It’s like giving a presentation to a group of people and not responding to questions and comments from your audience. It just seems rude, but for some reason it has become standard for bloggers not to reply to comments made on their post.

So much for “interaction”.

For big-time bloggers with several comments on each post, it would obviously be tough to respond to each and every single comment. But you have to admit that it is nice to when the big names take the time to respond to some of the comments, right?

The truth is, most of us are not “big time” bloggers and we do have the time to respond. And yet – we don’t.

In Step #6 of 6 Steps To An Effective Guest Post, it mentions:

“If you are fortunate enough to get your site published, the work is not over yet. All your efforts should go into promoting that article and taking part in any comments that may be posted.

Why is this something that only guest posters should do? Every blogger should be doing it on their own posts too.

For the past several months, I’ve been doing my best to respond to each and every single comment on my own blog, just to see what would happen. The response has been nothing less than amazing. In fact, people have pointed out that they love that I respond to almost every comment, and some of my readers have even emailed me just to say thanks.

So what’s the real benefit? Why should you invest a few extra minutes to respond to your readers? Here are 5 reasons to do so:

1. It Encourages People To Comment

People don’t leave comments just so they can be left unread. By replying, you’re not only letting people know that you’re actively involved in reading the comments, but you’re encouraging them to come back and comment again later.

Furthermore, people who don’t normally comment may be happy to do so knowing that their comment will indeed be read.

2. It Adds to the Quality of Your Posts

A reply can often lead to side conversations within the commenting area that add to the content and overall quality of your post. Your points will be explained further, new points will be brought up, and questions that people may have get answered.

Also, new people will join the side conversations and add their own comments that they wouldn’t have normally made otherwise.

3. It Helps With Search Engine Optimization

Comments on your blog posts do in fact help with search engine optimization, although admittedly in a minimal way.

More comments, including your own, usually mean more instances of the keywords that you used in your blog post, which means you’re more likely to be found in the search engines for those terms.

Additionally, new terms that you did not use in your blog post will be brought up and discussed, which could potentially help you for those terms as well.

4. It Adds More Social Proof

Social proof is a psychological phenomenon that occurs when people’s decisions are influenced by making the assumption that surrounding people know more about certain situations than you do.

For example, if you’re at the mall and you see a huge crowd of people around a particular store, chances are that you’re going to walk over and see what the big deal is. In a similar way, you might be more inclined to follow a certain blogger in a niche just because they have more subscribers and followers than others.

In most cases, your own comments will count towards the overall comment count of your post. Respond to 15 comments, and you’ll have a total comment count of 30, which looks more far more impressive and interesting to your readers and any new visitors to your blog.

5. It Helps You Build Authority and Credibility

Finally, by responding to each comment, you’re establishing yourself as a go-to expert in your niche. You become more “real” and are seen as someone who actually takes time to care for your readers, which adds value to you and your blog.

Because responding to comments is abnormal, you’ll stand out of the crowd like no other. And if you can leave thoughtful, meaningful comments, you’ll make that much more of an impact on your readers.

It doesn’t take very much extra time, and the return on investment can be phenomenal. So why not give it a shot?

Try responding to every comment and see what happens.

So What Do You Think?

How do you feel when a blogger responds to a comment you left on his or her blog? Do you think it’s worth the time and effort to do so, or are we just wasting our time?

Please leave a comment below, and tell me what you think.

Cheers!

About the Author: After getting laid off back in 2008, Pat Flynn has since created an online empire, starting multiple online businesses which earn him well over 6-figures a year in passive income. He writes about online business and blogging on The Smart Passive Income Blog. You can also download his free eBook, eBooks the $mart Way, which reveals all of Pat’s secrets to writing and automating a killer eBook for your blog or business.

It's Time to Plan Your ASRM Annual Meeting Agenda! Put These Suggestions on Your List!

Have you looked at your ASRM Program yet? If you have attended this great conference in the past then you know that all of the courses and roundtables fill up fast! The post grad course I am participating in is offered on page 15, Course PG1 offered on Saturday the 10/15. The Psychology and Ethics of Marketing a Mental Health Practice in Infertility. William Petok, Ph.D, and Jeffery E. Barnett, Psy.D. are also on the faculty with me! Not to be missed opportunity to learn about marketing your practice or business! Turn to page 50 and you will find #RTT19 Demystifying Gestational Surrogacy luncheon roundtable hosted by me as well! This is found under Mental Health! Remember these roundtables include lunch and are limited! This one is offered on Tuesday October 18th! I hope to see you there!

Marketing in Social Media is Not Off-putting to Users

You know, facts often speak louder then *my* words. I found this study (from 2009) below and wanted to share it with you because it pretty much says what I have been preaching all along....social media is a GREAT way to get your company noticed! Read below and share with me what you are doing to become more visible in the infertility industry.....

Sharon LaMothe

LaMothe Services, LLC

http://lamotheservices.com/

More research has added weight to the assertion that social network users are receptive to brand marketing messages in their various social environments and are happy to recommend products or services themselves. by Helen Leggatt

The joint study, released this week by Performics and ROI Research, found that while sites such as Facebook and Twitter were primarily for socializing, branding and marketing content was widely accepted.

Not just accepted, it seems, but often acted upon. Many people took action after seeing a brand mentioned on a social channel. For instance, the study of 3,000 active social network users in the U.S. found that almost half (48%) of Twitter users who saw a brand's name mentioned on the site would go on to use a search engine to investigate further.

In addition:
- 34% have used a search engine to find information on a product/service/brand after seeing an advertisement on a social networking site,

- 30% have learned about a new product, service or brand from a social networking site,

- 32% said messages about printable coupons on social sites resonate with them,

- 28% said messages about sales or special deal notifications resonate with them.

So, marketers need not give social media a wide berth when it comes to disseminating brand information. The keys are to find the right "voice" and the right buttons to press to pique their interest and encourage further engagement and conversation.

"Social networks are creating a monumental shift in how people communicate with each other and with brands," said Michael Kahn, SVP of Marketing at Performics. "The results of this study can help marketers better understand where and how consumers interact with social media sites and what types of offers and communications engage them and motivate them to act.